I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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