'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
