Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
