He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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