I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
