If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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