Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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