I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
