but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
