i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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