i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
