I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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