WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
he puts the penis in happiness.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Randomize
