I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
