I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Sorry about my life...
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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