he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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