I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
