I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
