Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I just forgot I was standing up.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Pants are for mortals
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
