On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
