just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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