she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
