you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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