but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
