just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
