Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
