i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
