Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
i think i just lost a toe
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
