What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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