I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Randomize
