The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
