somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
