Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
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