thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
