Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
