i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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