Your dad touched me again.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
