can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
