i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
What a dumb baby whore.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize
