I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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