Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Randomize
