If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
