I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
