talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
