I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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