i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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