My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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