It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Too much gin, very little bucket
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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