Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
