I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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