Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
