making cat noises will not fix the situation.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
