Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
