you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
