You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
