A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
