Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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