do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
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