Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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