good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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