Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
