He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
