my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
