So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
