ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
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