Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
