i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
