He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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