So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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