Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
It all started with a game of naked twister.
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