I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
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