OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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