Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
