Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
