You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
