Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
