sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
