Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
