Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
