escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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